Writing and Other Unfinished Projects

I may have given up on my book. I haven't decided.

I want to write a book for teenage girls about self image and dating. I am really excited about the topic. I know the chapter titles. I have some thoughts that I haven't seen anywhere else. I used to have a column in the local newspaper that got a lot of good feedback. My best friends and my mom and (decades ago) my college professors tell me I have a knack for writing. I always thought I would be a writer in this phase of my career. You know - the phase where your kids are in college and you want to travel occasionally rather than being tied to an office every week.

In the past the writing fairy visited me somewhat regularly and I assumed that would continue to happen as I turned my eye to writing an actual book. But NO! Not one word that I feel is inspired or beautiful has been put on paper for this project. In two and a half years. That's a dry spell, folks. Don't get me wrong. Lots of words have been put on paper. A few of them have been saved to the 'book' file on my computer. But I have yet to reread any of it and think I would be willing to publish it.

A friend who is older and wiser and who I visit occasionally to ask for her wisdom asked me if I had asked Jesus what He wants to say in my book or if He even wants me to write a book. She encouraged me to be willing to lay it down if I don't feel like He is writing it through me. That's probably good advice. It's different than what I read on the writing blogs I visit but it is more in sync with what I believe about inspiration and being Spirit led, or at least it's more in sync with how I have been led up to this point in my life. The professional writers that I know write every day and that is the most common piece of advice I see - write every day.

It is possible that I am learning something about myself and that something may be that I am not a writer. I am a counselor. I enjoy writing occasionally but maybe this book writing dream has always been about something other than becoming who I really am. Maybe it's just me trying to be something I'm not. At 45 I am okay with that idea. I like who I am and I trust the Lord to provide for our family in every way with or without me publishing a book.

So, I'm layin' it down. If I pick it up again it will not be because it is the 'next step'. It will be because the Holy Spirit is leading me in His strange, unique to each one of us, lovely way.