Matthew 22:37, 38 – “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment.”
This has been a particularly sad season in my life, not because of my own suffering but because of the suffering of those I love. A friend lost her husband in extremely tragic circumstances this year. A client died three days after finding out he had cancer, leaving a very bereft best friend. Another friend that was a homeschooling mother of six died in a car accident.
Also, I am in a season of pressing in and crying out to the Lord for revival in a new way. I feel an urgency and a building up of the prayers of the saints. I believe that America will have her last great awakening or she will fall into such depravity and godlessness that our children will not be safe to raise their children in the Lord. This has become a great burden to me. I sense that the burden is from the Lord and it is not too heavy or cumbersome, but it is urgent and ever present.
During this season I am participating in a national 40 day fast. The Lord led me to eat fruits and vegetables, which is barely a fast in my mind but it has still been difficult. Just this morning I had a slice of cheesecake. I am in the 32nd day and I’ve had maybe 15 days of really following through with my commitment to the Lord. I have seen the Lord move during this time in amazing ways and it’s as if the veil between us has become much thinner. I sense His presence so much that I don’t want the fast to end and yet I also am growing weary, especially with the repeated failure.
It is with all of this as a backdrop that I thought this morning about loving Him with all my heart. What is all of my heart? Does that mean that I am passionate about Him all the time? That I’m constantly saying “hallelujah” and that I’m constantly “happy in God”? I don’t think that’s what He wants from us. The Psalmists expressed all of their emotions to the Lord. “Lord, where are you? Why have you left me alone for so long? Are you ever coming back?” “My soul is downcast within me, but I will hope in God.” “Kill my enemies God! Smash their heads against a rock!” “My enemies triumph over me and I look like a fool. Don’t you care?” “Oh give thanks to the Lord for He is good!”
When I love the Lord with all my heart, I keep my heart turned towards Him. When my friend dies and I am sad and confused, my heart is open to Him and I cry out, “Abba! Why? I am so sad and confused!” When I lead someone to Him, I turn to Him with wonder and thanksgiving and say “Lord, you did that! Wow! I am so amazed by you!” When a coworker disappoints me I tell Him about it and wait to hear wisdom from Him. I don’t just come to Him with praise, I come to Him with sorrow. I come to Him with confusion. I come to Him with anger. I come to Him with joy. My heart is always open to Him - open to His touch, open to His wisdom, open to His correction – but especially open to His Love.
When my heart is open to Him, when I love Him with all of my heart, I am able to perceive His love for me, His delight in me. In my anger, He soothes me or corrects me with amazing tenderness, or sometimes I see His anger about the situation as well and He leads me into intercession. In my sorrow, He comforts me with words only an intimate friend could speak to me. In my joy, He laughs with me and we share something that almost feels like an inside joke between best friends. In my longing, He shares his heart with me, His longing for the nations, His longing for the Bride.
Oh, that I might have the heart of God! His great love! His amazing tenderness! His enduring wisdom! As I stay open to Him, He shares Himself with me. What an amazing thing! The Uncreated One, the Creator of everything shares Himself with me ! I do love you Lord! May my heart be more open to you today than it was yesterday and at the end of today may I love you more that I do right now!
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