Happy Thanksgiving!

It's Thanksgiving!  Our tummies are full and the first load of dishes is in the washer.  More family will be here soon for the leftovers meal and the BIG GAME!  And I have time to update my blog. 

The big news today was that Mom was able to come to Thanksgiving!  She has had a rough month.  The chemo treatments have been hard on her.  The stories we hear about people working full-time during their chemo worry us a little because she DEFINITELY COULD NOT work  right now.  She is exhausted.  Her blood counts have been seriously low and she just feels cruddy most of the time. We had been concerned about whether or not she could come to dinner because her white count was down too low to be around people.  Her platelets and hemoglobin were also really low so she had a transfusion two days ago and we were waiting on a call during the meal to know whether or not she had to go inpatient for a platelet transfusion.  Thank the Lord she was able to be with us and didn't have to go into the hospital today.  She will have another blood test tomorrow but it looks like her numbers are coming back up.  The doctor said they will decrease her meds some for the next chemo treatment because apparently, although this was the normal dosage for her weight, it was too much for her. 

The reason it's been so long since I posted is that I have tried to return to my normal work schedule.  Dad has been such a blessing and a wonderful caregiver for Mom.  It's what she was "thankful for" during our meal today and I am truly grateful as well.  My dad has always been a great man - an Air Force pilot, a leader in every church we attended even though we moved every two years, a college professor and dean, my husband's mentor and my son's hero.  Now he is showing us all how a man loves his wife "in sickness and in health".  As their daughter, I have been given a gift that I must attempt to repay - both to them and to the Lord. 

I have been sick A LOT this month. Nothing ever really serious but some fever and just crud that keeps me from being able to see Mom.  It's been pretty frustrating.  And why have I been sick, you ask?  Ummm, let's just call it stress.  I started taking vitamins today and I am trying very hard to remember that everything I say "yes" to that I really want to say "no" to requires me to say "no" to something I really want to say "yes" to.  Did that make any sense?  Read it again if you need to.  Go ahead.  I'll wait.

I think the most important lesson I'm trying to learn right now is to say "no" to people.  Especially people I love.  We have had two divorces in our family this year and they have resulted in some really serious needs that we want to meet but can't always.  It is really hard for us to see someone we love in a hard situation and not try to help.  It is definitely our first inclination.  But we are learning that if we use all of our resources helping in "emergencies" we will miss out on the things that are truly our responsibilities and the things that bring us joy.  Wade and I are just trying to be led by the Holy Spirit and keep our priorities straight.  Not easy.

SO . . . today I am truly thankful for another day with my Mom and Dad.  I'm thankful for a husband who is my partner in this life.  I'm thankful for a job that brings me satisfaction as well as income.  I'm thankful for two teenagers who are growing in grace.  I'm thankful for little doggies that cleaned up my meal prep mess from the floor as I was cooking.  And I'm thankful for quiet moments in between family times.  Life is good.  God is better.

Cancer=bad Family=good

Back at Mom and Dad's.  Dad and hubby had breakfast this morning and then Dad is running errands and this is day 4 after chemo round 2.  For those of you who are cancer illiterate, that means today is NO FUN.  Mom is in bed after waking up nauseous.  Thank God for anti-nausea medicine.  As Mom said a couple of days ago "you do this or you die", so it's worth it.

In happier news, I finished a project!  Okay, for those of you who know me, are you okay?  Did it hurt when you just fell over?  I hope you didn't actually pass out from the shock of that announcement.  Here is my first chemo hat.

I finished it while watching "Invictus" with my 17 year old last night.  Good movie.  Great kid.  I kind of love him.  He killed a gopher at Mom and Dad's yesterday.  It was part of an ongoing saga that included the gopher making holes and mounds all over their yard, an attempt at a humane trap that was merely a snack shop, and my dad sitting on the deck with a bb gun.  My non-hunting dad.  My college professor, nature loving dad.  

My son was over helping fix some sprinkler heads that were hard for Dad to reach 3 months after hip replacement surgery when the gopher showed his face - actually I think it was his rear end that was sticking up.  I won't give more details for those of you who are ASPCA inclined, but suffice it to say, they got the job done.  It needed to be done.   And now my son has a story to tell at school today.

Cancer Sucks (sorry for those that offends, but it does)

Today has been a bad day for Mom.  It's day 14 after chemo round 1.  She said her hair is starting to fall out but she's not ready to cut it yet.  She wasn't feeling great this morning and when I called tonight, Dad said she has had a rough day and was in bed.  I am worried about her and trying to tell myself that this is just what cancer is like.

I went over early this morning and she was up eating oatmeal (with raisins, just like I make it) and offered me some.  We sat and ate and I showed her some bargains I found this week (which she admired).  A few minutes later she told me she had just thrown up, took some anti nausea medicine, and went back to bed for a while.  I slept too.  When I woke up and checked on her she had also just awakened so we watched the PBS shows that we both love  the most (America's Test Kitchen and Oklahoma Gardening) and talked about how much we use the information from those two shows.  Then we went out on the deck and sorted daffodil bulbs, dipped them in fungicide and she sent them home with me.  I left around lunch time with some delicious roast, potatoes, carrots, and bread (extra food that people had brought to them) as well as a bag of daffodil bulbs for my garden. 

How did she do that?  How did I end up just talking to my Mom about my life like nothing was different and leaving with food and flowers when she is so sick?   I know that the answer is "because she's your Mom" but that answer doesn't change the feeling I have that I have been in the presence of Great Love today.   

I just feel really sad tonight that there's nothing I can do to make her better.  And nothing I can do to make her live forever.

"Her children rise up and call her blessed" Proverbs 31:28

Wigs and Hats

Yesterday we went wig shopping with my mom.  Her hair hasn't started falling out yet, but the shop owner said that her scalp looked like it won't be long.  The very first wig she tried on looked just like her hair after she has been to the beauty shop!  It was beautiful.  I think she feels really good about it.  We loved this shop!  It's called The Egyptian Salon and the owner's name is Ann.  As a cancer survivor herself, she is full of love and good advice.  If someone you love in the Oklahoma City area needs a wig, send her there!

While we were there, my sister and I were talking about the hats I have crocheted for my daughter and how soft they are.  I use "I Love This Cotton" yarn and they are just the softest things ever (next to Charlie after he's been fluffed and muffed).  Here's a picture of one.



Ann said that if I make some for her shop she will sell them for me but I think I'll just make some for Mom since  I barely have time for that.  And there's a certain pillowcase that I've been working on embroidering for over a year that I have to finish sometime . . . maybe I'll give you more details about that someday.  Anyway, yesterday I bought some yarn and doodads that I think Mom will like and my sister called me from Hobby Lobby saying she was doing the same thing.  Today I made manicotti and we're going to go to Mom and Dad's for lunch.  Maybe afterward my sister and I can look at the stuff we bought. 

Yay for manicotti!  And yay for new yarn!  And yay for Ann and beautiful wigs!  And yay for soft chemo hats! 

Good and Pleasant

About a month ago my mother had surgery for ovarian cancer.  She seemed to be recovering very nicely while she was in the hospital but we began to be concerned about her while she was recovering at home and at her two week follow up appointment, we learned that she had not healed properly and required another surgery.  That was 10 days ago and we expect to be in the hospital for another week.  One of my sisters has come from Alabama to help and what was expected to be a one month visit has turned into what will probably be two months.  My other sister has come twice for long weekends to relieve us and to see Mom.

During this time out of respect for my mother's privacy as well as her need for rest we have asked that she not have visitors at the hospital and have not relied heavily on friends to stay with her.  My father was recovering from hip surgery (which he had a week before she was diagnosed) so he needed help at home and driving to and from everywhere he went.  For this reason my sister and I divided our time with Mom into 24 hour shifts, every other day.  I have to admit I was really worried about how exhausted I would become but instead I have found it to be a really blessed time.

During the days that Mom was drifting in and out of wakefulness without really waking completely, it was such a joy to care for her and to share the burden with my sister.  So many times I was reminded of the times my mother came to care for me when my children were born.  She would stay with us for two weeks, cooking, cleaning, and caring for the baby while we slept.  Her advice and tenderness during those days made our homecomings almost magical in spite of medical complications. 

As my sisters and I have worked together to take care of mom we have also watched out for one another, listening, advising, crying together, sharing our fears and thoughts as well as our prayers and hopes.  I have been so grateful for the time with them and for our love for one another and I'm so aware that not every family has this kind of harmony and ability to work together.  It is truly a blessing from God. 

Each day has new challenges and new victories and we do not know what the future holds but we know that we have a loving Father who does know the future and holds it in His hands.  And we know that we will walk into that future together, grateful for the time that we have.

Psalm 133:1, 3 "Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity. . . For there the LORD has commanded the blessing, life forevermore." (ESV)